Any experience that creates an emotional response affects our mindset. Strong emotions can alter our perspective and our actions. Understanding and working through difficult emotions when we are ready to move forward can help bring us back into a better feeling, more positive mindset.
The experience of being “ghosted” is extremely hurtful. Being ostracized without explanation causes an extreme level of confusion making it very difficult to move forward.
After finding myself on the receiving end of this experience, I discovered some truths and tips that made the healing process easier to navigate and help me to return to a more positive mindset. If you find yourself in a similar situation, here is what I know to be true.
The term “Ghosted” essentially means someone has unexpectedly removed their presence from your life while you are still connected to their energetic presence, ie: they are now a ghost to you. If you are feeling ghosted by someone, you are still holding expectations of that person whom you invited into your energy bubble, but who has left before you were ready for them to leave.
Understanding you have the power to invite people into your energy bubble and the power to uninvite people from your energy bubble will help you move through the experience of being ghosted.
For example, when you attend to your weekly shopping, you do not feel ghosted if the clerk who served you last time is not there to serve you when you return. The previous exchange was complete and there was no remaining energetic attachment to the clerk because you did not put any expectations on the relationship beyond the current exchange. You invited the clerk into your energy bubble for a mutual exchange, and when you felt that exchange was complete by finalizing the transaction, you uninvited the clerk by releasing all expectations you had for them.
If you feel ghosted, you must have invited someone into your energy bubble, and you must still be holding expectations of them.
To uninvite someone from your energy bubble, you need to release your expectations of that person.
What are you are still expecting from that other person?
You will have placed expectations on that other person based on your needs, experience and perception of the relationship, but remember, they will have their own experience and perception of the relationship, based on who they are and their needs.
In life, you will connect with people for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. If someone has ghosted you, you were connected for a reason or a season and whether you are ready, that purpose has been served.
Trust me here – You are ready!
To detach from someone and release them of lingering expectations, think about the reason you came together. What attracted you to that person? What brought you together? What need did you fill in each other’s life?
What need are you still expecting them to fill in yours?
Does that need still exist? Are there other people that WANT to be in your energy bubble that meet that need for you?
Perhaps you no longer have that need, and it’s only your ego that is holding onto expectations of that other person. (How dare they ghost you!)
Are your expectations simply a matter of social convention? Are you feeling hurt because a social protocol has not been met, a common courtesy not given?
Are you feeling foolish because you allowed yourself to become vulnerable with someone who did not appreciate your value.
If you can, observe just the facts of the relationship. Ask your ego to briefly step aside so you can think about the relationship from a less emotional state. Does this bring you more clarity? Does it help bring closure? Can you release your expectations?
Being ghosted by someone will tell you a lot about who they are today, and where they are on their journey in life right now. If in their current state, they make a deliberate decision to ghost you, it is better for you to not be part of their current journey. There is clearly a compatibility issue between you. This is not good or bad, it just is.
People ghost others to avoid feeling discomfort. They don’t want to experience a conflict or have a difficult conversation. They do it to protect themselves from perceived emotional pain. Ghosting is simply avoidance of a situation that an individual does not feel ready or willing to handle in the now. It is not about you – it is about them, so do not blame yourself for the actions of others. If you are open to meaningful communication and they are not, the relationship is not a safe or supportive space for you, and is in no way a reflection of your worth as person.
If you are feeling ghosted, it is essential that you practice self-care and compassion.
Be grateful for the reason or the season that you shared and the lessons learned. Release that person to the best of your ability, even if only little by little. Take care of yourself by doing something that brings you joy and spend time with those who see your worth.